cease to exist

imperfect,unfaithful.

ruined and deceased

is this all you think of me?

this one little piece?

how am i to be judged

sentenced to death

or banished to the depths?

i choose neither

i cease to exist.

and with that, i hold onto.

A new shift

A new direction

I hope to dream

that things will change this second

I wait to see

the new things in store

I think to believe

That God will open up another door

for me to walk into.

I'd love to wish

that what I want

would just come through that door.

So many times has my heart

been trampled on that floor.

So hard to believe.

So hard to see.

I dream to hope

that what I dream

will come into being.

[but I pray to hear

a voice to say

"never give up

what I gave you to dream.

Dream of hope,

and soon you will see."]

you are what you've always been

a smile twists up

not down

when you make me smile

my feet lift off the ground

. . .

An emptiness

tears away at the soul

It leaves me nothing

It leaves me not whole.

///

a little hope
never hurt anyone
not even the pope
but why am i
so scared to believe
the idea there is a chance
that all this may weave
into something wonderful
something lovely
and something so unfathomable
but thats it
there's my problem!
it doesn't seem reasonable
why would i...
the girl with bad luck
no charm
and not even a golden star to my name
why should i declare even the slightest hope
that this is fair game
but then i hear his voice again
he tells me
"emily, stop being lame
i gave you your voice
and i gave you your name.
dry your tears
and come
you know there are others who feel just the same
strength and courage is what you have
don't tell me it isn't so
hell, i built you...
i'm the one who makes it snow!
you've lost hope and i'll make you strong again
so sit back and calm down.
you're in for a show"

complexity

How much more simple can this be?

It's either them or it's me

Never us, never we.

It's something that I can never see.

I write this out in despair

in lost hope

What was lost?

It was me.

oh well.

a lovely
festering
insanely
demanding
upsetting
wonderful
and yet
depressing
feeling
built
up
inside
deep 
down
where it
lingers
and
bothers you
for 
what
seems 
to be
an
e t e r n i t y
can't 
focus
can't 
sleep
can't do
a single
thing
right
yet
somehow
perfectly
content
with 
the world
crashing
to 
pieces
this 
feeling
is 
much
better
than 
reality.

the perfect dream

effortlessly, without thought

my eyes closed

and like a movie theater

the curtains rose

and then

. there  .  you  .   were .

homeless.

where to begin?

i'm breaking within

i'm tearing, ripping away at the seams

i'm becoming undone

i'm becoming unseen

little is left of me

little is known

i've forgotten where i come

i've forgotten what to call home

there is no safe place

there is no place to breath

everywhere i go

is not my place to be

Seeing you.

A 

twisting

feeling 

sensation

c

r

e

e

p

s

up my spine

It's almost like hell

but it's oh so divine.